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WPT Information
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Women's Only Events
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Women's Poker. Abuse at the Tables.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Life on the felt can be tough, especially on women. There are always men (and I hate to admit other women) who are perfectly willing to berate another player for what they deem as bad play. It seems to happen to perfectly nice people who may have made a stupid play or made a good play that caused another to lose their chips. I have witnessed the abuse, mostly online but also in some live events but to date have only had that happen twice. Once was online and due to a smart-alec comeback on my part ended up being quite good friends with the man who thought he could get away with rather rudely criticizing my play. The other was a “rule” that I was adamant about and I was right.
So what is the difference between those who are continuously assaulted at the tables and people like me? The only answer I can come up with is boundaries. I have very strict boundaries about how I am to be treated both in my personal life and in my poker life. I don’t inform people before I sit down about those boundaries, but it is understood. I think it is in the way I carry myself and the way I conduct myself at the tables. I am not above some smack talk or general chat. I love it. But there is a line between talking smack and out right abuse. Look at the difference between Daniel Negreanu and Phil Helmuth. Daniel talks smack. I love to watch the chitter-chatter and good natured back and forth between him and the other players. You can take him quite seriously but it is done in a superior manner. Phil on the other hand can be outright insulting and vicious. I see the same things in Tony G. Seeing the attention they get from the media gives newer and some seasoned players the idea that acting like an idiot is acceptable. Women, because we are the “weaker” sex and newer to the game, seem to get more of it than men.
Protect yourself at the tables. Don’t allow anyone to yell at you or treat you as if you don’t deserve to sit at a poker table. There are ways to handle this abuse and ways not to handle it. My reaction has always been to give a wise comment. But my suggestion is not to try this if you don’t have that type of personality. In some sarcasm comes across as hostile and in bad taste and can aggravate the situation further versus fix it. You need to be prepared to take a further bashing.
In live play, calmly tell them they are out of line. CALMLY is the operative word here. Look them directly in the eye and say with no inflection whatsoever in your voice: “You are out of line. Do not speak to me that way.” Don’t let the anger you feel get the better of you. If you can keep your voice neutral there is not much the other person can do except stop the offensive behavior.
Of course there are always players who will ignore you and press on with the issue. Keep that same calm voice and let them know that if they have something constructive to add to your game to please talk to you after the game is over. You would love to learn more about poker from other players’ perspectives. Even the die hard Phils will give up at this point. Everyone loves to have their opinions heard. In general most people know that they are doing a number on you and they really aren’t sure they will get away with it. When you bite you not only diminish yourself but you diminish them. It is a no win situation. By suggesting that you would take their advice puts you both in a better light and makes for a better game. Don’t just tell them you will talk to you after the game. Actually talk to them. You never know…you might just learn something new.
If it still continues, tell the dealer to get the tournament director or poker room manager. Let them deal with the insulting player.
Doing things calmly and rationally does more than stop the abuse. It gains respect from not only the insulting player but from the other players as well. Others will look at you differently as a person and a poker player.
